Mental Health, Poetry

Toxic

I slept well this weekend. I finally let my issues go and I stopped worrying about you. I admit, I was reaching out, searching for attention. 

At first, I really needed your help and you gave it to me. Then you started becoming distant. My behaviors became less about my issues and more about you. Although I believe all of my actions were legit, I was partially and desperately seeking for attention. You were right. I’ve been enabled. 

We made an agreement that whenever either of us were angry at life we would leave the apartment and call or text the other. The plan was not working. I stopped looking for help and all I wanted to do is talk, but at that point you were already exhausted. 

The apartment that was once a happy place became a toxic environment. When I couldn’t sleep my emotions were unbalanced. Sometimes I was apologetic, sometimes I despised you, other times I appreciated your help, and other times I felt like you abandoned me. 

As you were escaping your issues, I felt trapped in mine as if you found the key and left me to die. I understand that we were friends and you really didn’t have to save me, but I feel like I have very few friends with a bond as strong as ours was. 

I stay loyal to my friends and I only want to see them happy and successful. To be the reason why that’s not happening is a failure as strong as steel. I wish I knew what to do to bring it back to the way it was. I know this is not the whole story, but I’m so ready for this chapter to end. Time will tell and time will heal.

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