Mental Health

1:30 A.M.

It’s 1:30 in the morning. Here I am laying in a bed in the wonderful Sheraton hotel for a great conference designed to strengthen my career in education. Free food, free seminars, free time. And yet, I still can’t sleep. 1:36 A.M.

Thinking about change. Thinking about the positives and negatives. Thinking about the times change makes me excited and the times it makes me feel empty.

I’m moving forward in life. Making moves and slowly progressing in life. So why am I not happy? Why can I not truly enjoy my accomplishments? They are always appreciated, but rarely cherished. 1:40 A.M.

Am I numb to the pain and pleasure or do I not know how to deal with both? It seems backwards how I run towards pain and stare at pleasure with cynicism. It usually seems to be too good to be true. Self-sabotage is my life. 1:44 A.M.

Not being able to cooperate with how you feel is like the blind leading the blind. Your mind, heart, and soul must balance each other for harmony, but my three seems fight for dominance. And I don’t know who to pick. Sometimes it’s easier to pick none of the above. 1:47 A.M.

I’m staring at my phone in a dark room right now, which is essentially how I would like to be. Focusing on the light even when I’m surrounded by darkness. But the lack of sleep is giving me a headache. All I can do is lay my head and try again. Until next time. 1:50 A.M.

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