Mental Health, Self-Improvement

Diagnosis

Diagnosis…they’re handing it out to me like bills.

Major Depression. Social Anxiety. Obesity. Diabetes. Sleep Apnea. Insomnia. Carpal Tunnel. Bell’s Palsy as a teen.

How am I even alive? How am I still striving? This isn’t even mentioning past poverty, discrimination, loneliness, self-confidence, and other things that effect the diagnosis’s above, but are separate issues in their own.

So with all this holding me back, what makes me still fight? Is it stubbornness? Is it ambition? Is it family? Is it impact or glory or proven strength? Why won’t I let myself give up?

I’ve done so much in my life. All have had its roadblocks, but I’ve always managed to get something out of my experiences; either its incentive or knowledge. I live as a broken mind and heart that for some reason refuses to dim the light and die. Is this hell on earth or an angel in dust?

Sometimes it feels like masochism. Sometimes it feels like determination. Sometimes it feels like hope and sometimes it feels like hopelessness.

Even in a losing battle, I have no other option but to keep fighting. Lay down and die? Fuck that.

Take this diagnosis. I’m never going to quit. I will either raise my sword in victory or die with my sword in hand. It’s not over. Thanks for reading.

 

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